I’m a bit behind on other people’s blogs. Caught up with the Communicatrix recently, and watched her video with guitar playing and singing. It’s here if you want to see it: _____ Boulder Update but be warned the song has very nasty words (in case you have kids or are of delicate sensibility).
Since that song is now stuck in my head for the duration, I might as well write about it.
Pushing a boulder up a hill, as a metaphor for… um… wait, what is it a metaphor for? I think she’s talking about achieving your goals and all that, but if so it’s a strange metaphor to pick. As far as I know, the most famous boulder-pusher was doing so entirely fruitlessly, because as soon as he reached the top of his hill it rolled all the way back.
If that’s what it’s like to pursue your dreams and strive for goals, then why push at all? Why not just go and have a picnic with Tantalus? I mean, just because he can’t reach the food is no reason to let it go to waste? And I’m hungry, dammit, these rice cakes aren’t cutting it!
What if Pushing is Pointless?
I skipped yoga this morning. *all gasp and stare*
I also felt like a loser this morning. And not just this morning, it’s been a theme for a couple of days now.
I’ve been thinking about my little regime. All my little rules about Eating off Plates and Saying Grace Even Before Crackers and Having Only One Dessert and all that. I’ve been thinking: this is it. This is what I do. Probably not just for the next 6 months, while I lose my extra weight, either.
Probably for the duration.
After all, if this really works, but I cut it all out the moment I hit my target weight (whatever that is, I’m not sure), then in all likelihood the weight will creep back on, right? So I will probably always have to rely, to some degree, on my rules and rituals. If I want to keep the boulder on the hill, I’ll be pushing while I’m breathing.
Will it ever become truly effortless?
Do I need it to become effortless?
Earning my daily wage isn’t effortless. Getting out of the house isn’t effortless. Heck, getting out of bed isn’t effortless, not by far. It’s a lot easier than it has been in other periods of my life, but it still takes effort.
So maybe the question isn’t: will I ever be able to stop labouring under this boulder? but rather, what do I get out of being under this boulder?
Let’s make a list
I’m kind of enjoying watching the numbers on the scales go down. It’s sort of nice to have little mindful breaks in my day. Being able to recall, exactly, what I ate today is something that doesn’t completely suck.
I get to pat myself on the head for being disciplined and stuff, that’s a valuable quality, I’ve heard it say. I also get to look forward to buying new clothes for the no-longer-overweight me. Maybe my mother will notice, she’s coming over at the end of the summer.
Okay, that’s six things that don’t completely suck. It’s not much, but on these losery-feeling days, I guess it will do. Motivation is hard, especially if you’re not feeling it. (Was that circular and stupid, or profound and wise? Your choice, my friend, your choice.)
A comment on comments: I am totally up for advice on this. If you got something, say something. Cause I got nothing.
{ 9 comments }
Willie, what’s working for me is attending Slimming World meetings. I’ve lost 2 stone and although it hasn’t always been effortless, it is by far the easiest diet I’ve ever done (most of the time it doesn’t even feel like a diet). Feel free to tell me that it’s not your thing but it sounds to me as though you might benefit from a bit more support than you’re getting. Certainly I’ve always found that trying to lose weight by yourself can be very dispiriting.
Anyway, I’m trying not to be too evangelical about it but if you do want to know more, I’m happy to chat about it.
Also, a huge big ‘yay’ to you for getting this far – it’s brilliant that you’ve made healthy changes in your life.
Oh honey! You have my utmost sympathies… I’m working through a similar struggle myself, and damn it’s hard! :(
I’m in the states, and have in the past tried Weight Watchers. It actually DID work for me, in the sense that I lost weight. But it was also a massive failure, in that it wasn’t sustainable; using their point system to limit my daily food intake always left me hungry, and I found that tracking my food made me seriously neurotic. I’d be really good for a bit, then just lose it and binge /sigh I finally had to admit that it was just no way to live, and that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life like that… I mean seriously, what’s the point of being “skinny” if I’m miserable and obsessed with food all the time?!
I’ve been experimenting with focusing on healthy eating as opposed to “dieting”, and so far it’s definitely showing some promise. A friend of mine does life coaching, and one of her areas of expertise is weight loss, you might consider checking out her site (www.lauriegay.com). I’ve picked up some great ideas/tips just reading her blog :)
If you ever need an accountability buddy, or just someone to vent to, let me know… I’m always up for a good email chat! I’m also trying to share a bit of my own process on my blog, though it’s interspersed with other stuff. Right now I’m practicing with the whole not-obsessing-about-food thing. I think the next step will be the not-eating-till-it-hurts thing ;)
Good luck! And seriously, there’s GOT to be a better way than pushing that damn boulder!
Don’t overthink the Sisyphus reference too much—that’s my job!
Seriously, I think it’s less about Sisyphyean (sp?) tasks than just having to do laborious work sometimes. The fruitless part to me, if there is one, is that once you get the thing up the hill, you’re dead! Well, not exactly, but you get my meaning: why do we push the boulder up the hill? Because they’re there!
@Colleen Ha, you not the only edumacated person round ‘ere.
I guess what I get from the Boulder song is that yeah, sometimes life IS like pushing a boulder up a hill, and you don’t get to throw a tantrum or call it quits when that happens because, well, that’s how it is.
“what’s the point of being “skinny” if I’m miserable and obsessed with food all the time?!”
@Heidi: Yes, that. Exactly. I think that’s the crux of the dilemma I’m fighting with here. I’m really glad I’m losing weight and not going hungry too much doing it, but some of the stuff I’m doing to achieve that is weird/neurotic. I’m worried about being that person who can’t just have lunch like everyone else for the rest of my life. :/
@Kirsty: Hmm, I’m sure that option would look a lot more interesting if I didn’t have crazy screaming “joining a group” issues. Come to think of it, working on my social anxiety would probably make a worthy next project. Maybe I *will* have a little Google for local groups.
I felt that way too, Willie. In fact, I nearly ran away from the door the first time I went to group but it turns out that it helped immensely. Oh, and the other thing I like about Slimming World is that most of the food you eat is free & there’s very little weighing and counting. Plus they say things like ‘you should never be miserably hungry, if you’re hungry eat something’ – as someone who’d had eating disorder, that was hugely freeing.
Oh, also, I think you can just join online if the group thing is overwhelming/not your thing.
Hi Friend! Are you clear about your WHY for doing all this stuff with your food and your mindful eating and desire to lose weight?
Not just the WHY because you want to weigh less or fit in smaller clothes…but WHY would you want *those* things? And when you answer that, WHY do you want those?
Motivation is for people who don’t have a clear WHY for their actions. They need to be prompted into action and usually made to move AWAY from things they don’t like. Like the stick with the donkey. The donkey gets motivated to move forward because he’s trying to get away from the stick. Little does he know that the stick is following him and will continue to beat him into action. Ouch.
Inspiration and effortless action comes for people who are clear about WHY they’re doing things. They’re moved to go toward what they want instead of away from stuff they don’t want.
This is the carrot part. The donkey doesn’t have to be beaten to move toward the carrot. He sees the carrot and is inspired to move toward it.
Does that make sense?
So see if you can connect deeply to the reason you are doing all this stuff. It’s gotta be for more of a reason than being able to tell yourself you’re disciplined or because you like seeing the numbers on the scale go down.
What’s the deep why for your shift? It’s okay if you’re trying to avoid things (like getting diabetes, or having health issues, or feeling like a loser, etc) but then ask yourself more…why do I want that? What do you ultimately want to experience?
Are you doing any inner work while you’re making these outer changes with your actions and food choices? It’s important to be working through the stuff that leads us to eat mindlessly and eat food that isn’t helpful for us in the first place. If we change our actions, that’s great, but if we don’t change our thoughts that started our bad habits in the first place, the changes in our actions will not be sustainable.
Mona says some wise things.
For me eating = minefield. If your problem is that you’re comfort eating or eating too much have you tried noting down (either mentally or on paper) what you are feeling and things that have happened prior to the moment when you start to want to eat. I’ve found that this has been quite helpful for me, especially as I tend to eat when I’m bored, which isn’t how I’d thought of comfort eating until I realised this was what I was doing. (Uh, does that make sense?)
Also helpful, although sometimes difficult, is to not buy things like crisps when doing a food shop – I’ve found it much easier to walk past in the supermarket than to try and resist eating the whole packet in one go at home!
@Kirsty: Cool, thanks for the additional thoughts. Hurray for weight loss groups that tell you to eat when you’re hungry. *thumbsup*
@Mona: you know, I’m not sure I know what you mean. ^__^; Surely the “why” is what we call motivation? And, you know, sometimes it’s just not there, like when I wrote this post. That’s what the stupid little list is about, that’s the best I could do at that moment. Are they good reasons? No. But they did the trick at that moment. I’ll take what I can get.
Sometimes you have a perfect connection with your motivations, you’re totally feeling it, and the work is effortless. On other days, all you can do is just keep pushing the ___________ boulder up the ____________ hill, and trust that you’ll thank yourself later for sticking to the programme.
That’s my experience, anyway. Maybe yours is different. ^__^